Remembering

Four years ago only one thing matter.  Nothing else.  I checked out of the world for a bit to take care of myself and a little girl.  Then, I continued to check out to mentally survive.  Today was a completely different day. As a mother of two, a loving wife, and an entrepreneur, the list of "to-do's" went into overdrive. January 5 is always blocked on the calendar for Emma, but extreme circumstances had me checked into the world today.  Ever minute was planned out.  I am not bitter, grateful, of course, but couldn't help to think how much more important that day was a few years ago.


A few days ago Madison was asking me how many children I want.  Not sure why.  I think it was a game...what would I do if I have SIX kids, FIVE kids, and so forth.  Then her direct question of how many kids I want, had me answer a resounding THREE.  That is a complicated answer because we always planned on having 2 children.  If Emma would have survived, I am not sure if we would have the pleasure of knowing Austin.  Could you even imagine the world without Austin?  Me neither!  Gosh, I hope that doesn't make me a horrible person.  I do not wish one over the other....I would like to have my cake and eat it too.  That would just make it perfect.  


Today, we took a few moments to remember.  Instead of singing the song sung at the memorial service, which is  a tear jerker, we remembered this day as her birthday instead of her death anniversary.  It felt good to sing happy birthday to her as we released her balloons.


Happy Birthday Emma!  I wish you could have known these two:

Remembering 2009
Remembering 2010
Remembering 2011